Dirt Road Lesson: The Many Faces of Grief

Grief is a weird thing.

It strikes whenever it pleases, it doesn't let you know how long it will stay and it certainly never looks the same every time, in every person.

CajunGuy and I have been walking through some grief-inducing circumstances lately and I've come to the conclusion that grief has settled in for at least a little while. I just didn't know it at first.

While I don't exactly get a formal notice before it arrives in my life, I know what other people act like when it's here:

Customer Service people start looking at me funny, as if I have 3 heads when I ask them a question. 
What's that about?! I thought I was being nice when I asked her where she left her brain this morning. Just trying to save her from going the rest of the day without it.

My husband starts looking for fangs each time I open my mouth.
All I did was point out the fact that the trash hasn't gone out in almost a week. You'd think he would be happy I reminded him. Again.

Other drivers on the road have a look of panic and terror on their faces when I'm around.
I was just educating that person about the driving laws here in America. You'd think they would appreciate the knowledge!

After a while I start to realize that the crazy stares and looks of panic in other people are my notification that grief has arrived.

Ah yes, the faces of grief in my life are other peoples' faces.
Sorry, folks. I don't think you stood a chance, did you?

Peak 313 Challenge: Day.....??

Not sure what day of the challenge it is.
This past week has been a blur.

CajunGuy and I are contemplating a (semi-big) step forward and my stress level has been through the roof. (I promise to share details once everything is final!)

And for me stress is a HUGE asthma trigger. So the past 7 days I have found it hard to get my thoughts straight, let alone exercise. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to hopefully get myself out from under this dark asthma cloud that's been hanging around.

Growing up I was always terrified of not being able to breathe. I also feared dying by suffocation. So can I tell you how fan-flippin'-tastic it was that I was diagnosed with asthma earlier this year? 

Like having your hand dipped in a bucket of warm water while you sleep.
Yeah, sure you can take a shower and change your clothes but that pee stain on your mattress will always be there. 

A little reminder that your next bucket of warm water could be right around the corner.

Yes, dear readers, there is a chance I could be a wee bit...paranoid tired.
Yeah, tired. That's it...

Hurricane Isaac: Anticipation

I knew the fraggin' storm was coming when I woke up this morning.
This isn't my first rodeo but it was different for some reason.
It was nothing I could put my finger on and it lingered just below the surface of consciousness. 

I brushed off the weird feeling and rolled out of bed, drank some coffee and took a shower. It wasn't until halfway through my shower when CajunGuy came into the bathroom to tell me that he wanted to buy a generator that I started to get concerned. 

Growing up we may have evacuated for a hurricane twice, including Katrina.
Given the choice, my Mom would ride out the Apocalypse. Seriously.
For me, hurricanes aren't a time to panic. You just prepare and let God handle the rest. 

Yet a wave of panic rolled in my brain when CajunGuy wanted to buy a generator. Suddenly I was new to this hurricane crap and all sensibility drained from my head. I fought him a little (OK, a lot) about the generator and even he asked me why I was digging my heels in.

And let me tell you: this was no everyday purchase. Sure, I love to save a buck but that just isn't possible when, during a hurricane, demand goes up and supply goes down. You pay what they ask and just deal with it. (I hate that part!)

So off to Lowe's we went to buy a generator. As soon as we got to the checkout I started calculating all the other things we could have bought with the money I was about to spend. I was a mess on the inside but couldn't figure out why.

After the most gut-wrenching debit card swipe of my life, I drove to the bank to get cash in case we had to evacuate. As I wrote out the check in the bank lobby it was as if that feeling I'd had all day jumped out from around a corner in my brain. 

Buying that generator meant that now I was riding out a storm, away from the protection that I have known my whole life. I was making the decision to stay or go. I was in charge of making sure my family was taken care of. I had to provide.

I was moved up the responsibility line. And it terrified me.

Until I realized that I was handling it well. Because of our diligence in saving money, CajunGuy and I were in a position that we could provide for each other. We were able to get what we need to keep us going and still be OK in the long run. 

I think that newly discovered confidence was worth the price of the generator -- and all of the anxiety.

Note: for those of you who are new to the hurricane experience, I suggest looking at this handy guide if for nothing else but a few laughs. 

The Man of My Dreams

Dear CajunGuy,

You're the man of my dreams.

I have prayed to meet someone as kind, honest and smart as you.

And, as usual, God exceeded my expectations.

Not only are you everything I prayed for, you're wrapped up in a pretty handsome package!

You have become my best friend, the person I want to share good news with.

You have become my rock, the person I depend on when life gets hard.

I love that you share my love of sushi and Sonic Happy Hour.

I love that you dance with me in the kitchen for no reason at all.

I love that you and I laugh at the same silly things.

I love that you can make me smile even when I don't feel like it.

I love that you asked me to marry you.

I love that you married me 10 months ago.

I love that I get to spend my life with you.

Most of all, I love you.

I hope your day is as great as you have made my life since we met.

All my love,

Liz

PS - Join me for a Route 44 Coke Zero later? ;-)

Roadkill = ....Dinner??

Yes folks. 

In my part of the country, it sometimes can be.

Fortunately for me, I narrowly avoided such a tragedy last week.

Picture it:

CajunGuy behind the wheel of our car, traveling down the road to get his Mom's house when all of a sudden a furry white animal with long, floppy ears hopped into the middle of the tree-lined road. When its eyes met with the headlights of our oncoming vehicle it froze. I, of course, screamed like a little girl and grabbed on to the seat in preparation for impact, praying and promising God all sorts of things if we could only miss this defenseless creature. (But really, what kind of damage could a rabbit do to a vehicle? I really need to get a grip sometimes! LOL)

Then it happened.

CajunGuy swerved hard. Except he was aiming for the rabbit! I'm not sure how, but he missed it. He flippin' missed it!

Then I heard the words no person EVER wants to hear:

"Dang! That would have made a good stew!"

Ummm....what?!?

I did what any normal person would do and laughed at his comment. When I didn't hear him laughing with me I got scared. Really scared.

It's time for me to start checking the tires of our car the next time he cooks and claims it's "chicken".

Long Time, No See!

As you can very well imagine, things have been busy here in Cajun Country.

For starters, I am officially Mrs. CajunGuy (yay!)

Then there was the moving of stuff. Can I just say how thankful I am that part is over?!?

It's been almost 10 weeks since we became Mr. and Mrs. and it's still hard to get used to my new last name. I just got to the point that I answer to it.

But it's been a good adjustment filled with lots of growth and plenty of opportunity. 

Isn't God so faithful?

And to my favorite Cajun:

Happy 80 Day Anniversary! I Love You!

Dirt Road Lesson: God keeps His Promises

Ok, so CajunGuy's surgery went well Tuesday. 

He has 5 weeks of recovery, one more surgery and a couple of months of physical therapy left before we can put this all behind us but these times of just making ends meet and leaning on God's promise to take care of us has been paying off.

Even through this season of lost work time, God stuck to His word and never left us.

Through each of our families, He has blessed us beyond measure:

• My Mom gave us our wedding present early, which helped big time towards making ends meet. And she is throwing me a bridal shower next month! (She also has the kindest shoulder to cry on when everything seems upside-down.)
• My Dad has graciously offered to pay for the rest of our wedding since all of our budget has been re-allocated to pay bills each month since CajunGuy's injury.
• CajunGuy's Mom and sister have each bought us groceries. Our pantry was getting low but they were kind enough to see our need and just help us, no asking required.
• CajunGuy's Dad has offered to pay for the DJ for the wedding and has invited us to dinner at his house numerous times, which allows us to make our groceries stretch even more.
• CajunGuy's Parran (see Cajun Dictionary) has brought us leftovers from cookouts he has done. (Yummmmmm!)
• A few of CajunGuy's aunts got together and are throwing us a wedding shower for the both of us in the next few weeks.                                                                                                       We have had numerous offers of help and support through all of this and are in awe at just how much we are loved!

We have been humbled by the thought of receiving all of the help that we have gotten.

God promises to provide for our every need (Matthew 6:26-33) and He also promises to never leave us (Hebrews 13:5).

And I am here as a witness to tell you that He has kept His promise.

To God be the glory!